The Truth Is... I Stopped Giving a---

Hey loves!

It's 12:47 AM, I'm currently lying down with aloe lathered on my face, a silk scarf on and this super comfy cotton olive green house dress. 

Also, none of these details have anything to do with my post, I'm just in the mood to over share and since you already know I look at hot mess right now, I'll go ahead and let you know that up until recently, I've felt a hot mess.

May 19, 2016, I left everything I knew and loved behind in Atlanta and trekked to New York in hopes that I'd live to my full potential; that I'd knock out those childhood dreams I've been holding on to--you know those dreams that seem so tangible and near in your head, but out of touch in real life. 

For the inquiring minds wondering, "How was New York?" my best answer, in retrospect, is that New York was everything it was supposed to be. While in New York, I struggled like never before, it's no secret, y'all saw my posts; I worked a job I hated, under miserable management that used work as bate for company; hook, line and sinker...they reeled me in. 

Before I knew it, I stopped giving a fu--well, y'all get it (to be honest it would be so therapeutic if I just typed that out, y'all mind if I wile out for a second? Nah, ok bet!) I STOPPED GIVING A FUCK. 

I'd become a hamster in a wheel; "work, pay rent, work to pay rent, repeat" that was my motto. I was too busy borrowing from Peter to pay Paul to fathom what I'd originally came to New York to do...and then one day something woke me tf up.

Luckily, this lost in the sauce moment lasted about two weeks thank God, or I wouldn't have grown, networked and made the connections I made while out there. 

So, what was it that woke me up? My answer, remembering why I started. Remember why you started. Right now you've committed yourself to something that scares the living shit out of you, you feel crazy for even embarking on this journey, you're overwhelmed, you think you can't do it, nay-Sayers have projected their fears on you and they're winning...REMEMBER WHY YOU STARTED. 

After that I was literally in beast mode; DM'ing photographers to collab, coffee dates with influencers,  networking events before and after work, weekly shoots with my blogger in crime, Patricia (Darrabie.com), podcasts recordings...you can call me a pro cuz I was putting in WERK, ya dig?

And now, as I think about why I moved to New York and what I wanted to accomplish, I realize no location can determine that. It's all up to me. However, had I not taken that leap of faith and moved to New York, I'd still be stagnant because I'd be too busy psyching myself out thinking that my location was holding me back, when really it was me the whole time. 

So fast forward, I got tired of being hungry and that's the real lol, so I moved my butt back home to Atlanta and told myself I'd save, keep hustling, invest in my craft and dust myself off and try New York again. What do you know, once again I stop giving a ---yall know, briefly, but I gave up nonetheless.

I allowed other people's fears and doubts question what I already knew of myself, which is that I am capable and if you dream it and can vividly visualize its possible; the only thing in your way of your dreams is the journey and work it takes to make it a reality. After literally allowing outside forces to put me in a mode where I was now comparing my setbacks to the success of my peers and allowing what other people thought of me to reconsider my original plan, I had to snap out of it because I've now put my fate in someone else's hands...nah son.

Again, I had to remember why I started, remember why I came back home and remember all the plans I was enthusiastic about prior to making my decision. 

Wondering what came of this? I'll keep you posted in my Glo' Up update video, but, in the mean time, if you kinda stopped giving a fu** about your goals and the things you're passionate about, take some time to reflect and write a letter to yourself answering this question:

Why did you start this journey?

Our dreams are like relationships; it's not always a honeymoon, sometimes we have to rekindle that fire and remember why we fell in love with them in the first place.

I hope this post was of help to someone and I hope your inspired to bring those dreams to fruition. Let me know in the comments what helps you get back on track when you're feeling unmotivated.

XoXo,

Mani

#motivation #Inspiration #Career