You Betta Werk: Shitty Advice is Apart of Life

Once upon a time there was a young, witty (emphasis on witty), ambitious girl who prior to graduating college expected so much more for herself than a retail job as a sales associate. Prior to graduating this young lady joined organizations that allowed her to network with industry professionals, developed relationships with her professors for references and took on multiple internships. With hopes of getting that “dream job”, D’mani-oops I mean, the young lady, crafted a resume and cover letter with assistance from her professor and sent them to all the companies she aspired to work for and more. To make a long story short, D’mani aint get no job maaaaan.

Loved ones, friends,peers and family were concerned...even people that didn’t know D’mani that well and out of concern they’d provide D’mani with advice. While D’mani appreciated that advice and was grateful that people loved her enough to lend her words that were (most times, not always) wise, some advice she wanted to tell people to place where the sun don’t shine because it insulted her intelligence.

How could one possibly insult your intelligence by lending you advice? Well, for those of you who enjoy volunteering advice, here is a word of advice to you; give the person you’re lending advice to the benefit of the doubt and realize they care a little bit more about their life and success than you do, so they’ve probably considered all OBVIOUS options. For instance, during my job search, if I had a penny for every time someone asked, “Well, have you been applying?” I’d not only be rich but I’d probably pile them in a sock and whop them with it. Everytime I want to respond, “Wow, that’s how you get jobs? By applying for them? I never knew that...you must be the new Einstein.” Some more useful advice I’d received from my mother, godmother and manager that you should consider if searching for a job: Google keywords that HR departments look for in your field; Use words from the job description on your resume; Get a referral letter from every supervisor you leave on a good note with and attach it to your resume.

Don’t volunteer advice to hear yourself talk, be real with your advice and provide advice that you wish people gave you. Also, peer-to-peer advice….I have so many unpleasant things to say about this but unless you’re at a point of success that your peer aspires to be at, don’t provide advice on things you have yet to experience to make yourself look good. It helps peers to know they aren’t the only ones going through trials and more than likely if you’re giving BS advice to seem like a know-it-all that advice is going in one ear and out the other and whether they tell you or not, they see through your bullshit. For instance, I recently had a coworker who was stressed because of a situation with financial aid. All of her classes were going to be dropped and she would be graduating late; as someone who has EXPERIENCED THAT, I let her know I’ve been there, I graduated and even though it seems like the end of the world in that moment God is going to get you through it and you’re going to be so damn happy when you get that degree you won’t even remember this. The next day she told me how grateful she was for that advice and that even though her family was disappointed she’d be graduating late my advice kept her in high spirits. Being real and vulnerable with your advice can ultimately put others in a positive space and it shows them that “if you can do it, I can too.”

Another great example of peer-to-peer advice: Throughout school I would often have meltdowns over the phone to my boyfriend, one day I was venting to him because I thought I was going to fail my Geography class. He first stated the obvious and told me that crying on the phone to him wouldn’t boost my grade, to which I responded “Duh! I just need to vent, sheesh!” He then put things in perspective by telling me if I can’t handle minute obstacles like these how would I handle the obstacles that I’ll one day face as a boss. Just when I was ready to dismiss his advice he said something to me I remember every time I sweat the small things because these obstacles are preparing me for the greater obstacles that come with big blessings, “To whom much is given, much is tested.”

If you are a recent college graduate, entrepreneur, creative, etc. you’re probably receiving a lot of unwanted, basic, obvious advice and don’t know what to do with it or how to address it. All you know is you’re tired of people insulting your intelligence and that even though your life SEEMS like it’s in shambles there’s a gut feeling telling you, “I got dis!”.

Here is my advice to you; stay prayed up and perfect your craft to gain an unying faith in whatever is you’re going after. Secondly, remember that the people that are giving you advice are on your team and they want the best for you.Thirdly and most importantly, don’t let the “advice” and “opinion” of others deter you; I’m currently preparing for a life change and I’ve had so many people tell me I shouldn’t go out on a whim to do this, but fu** ‘em. Here’s why I say this and why you should say it too (but say it to yourself, don’t say it out loud because that’s very rude), as a goal-getter you’ve been blessed with a certain fearlessness many haven’t been blessed with, out of fear and lack of confidence many people will live by the book and hold themselves back because the safe route promises...SAFETY. Your route may bring adventure, downfalls, failures but if you maintain YOUR ROUTE, it will lead you to YOUR BLESSING, a blessing you will cherish because of the obstacles you faced and conquered along the way. Going on the path your intuition is leading you to will also allow you to have a testimony and be of inspiration one day, to the many people who are going through what you once went through to get where you are.

Here’s the thing, stop listening to advice from people who have never taken a leap of faith themselves, who have everything to say about what you’re creating but haven’t made as much as a scrap book, have all the career advice in the world but barely have a career of their own. Smile as they speak, nod and continue plotting your master plan. I am not telling you to be a fool and ignore every word of advice because you’re a genius and you got all the answers like Kanye; most times people are giving you advice because they see something in you and they want you to put your best foot forward, so listen out for those gems but if you’re surrounded by people who simply and honestly have no room to give you any advice; search high and low for a mentor, join interest groups with people embarking on the same journey, reach out to peers via social media who are doing the same things you aspire to do for USEFUL peer-to-peer advice.

Afterall, we’ve all received advice we will never forget because it’s either changed our lives for the better, given us a new perspective, or insulted the f**k out of our intelligence.

I wrote this ‘You Betta Werk’ post because I’ve vented about this to a few of my peers and family and everyone could relate. I’ve always had a strong disdain for OBVIOUS, volunteered advice (meaning, I DIDN’T EVEN ASK YO’ A**) and I’ve gotten so much of it since graduating whilst being a creative so I wanted to create this post for the not so lost wanderers like myself.

I hope this ‘You Betta Werk’ post was of some help to you.

Shitty advice is apart of life, don’t let it get to you, you got dis!

And remember,

You betta werk boo!

XoXo,

Mani